In our world of fast-developing technology, and the need to stay connected with friends and colleagues through texts, emails and social media, the irony is that in our face-to-face relationships with others we are becoming increasingly disconnected. The need to check messages and emails as they arrive, to scroll through social media just to “catch up with what’s going on” means that time spent together is often time spent on phones and tablets, and that means we are not “together” at all. In that distraction, we are not being present with our partner or family.

In my therapy practice, I am seeing increasing numbers of clients who are experiencing “relationship issues” for one reason or another…

Relationships are not about “getting it right”, they are about connecting with another person. The most important aspect of connection is the ability to listen… when was the last time you did that? Really listened, with total presence and with no other distractions at all?

Listening is a skill we all possess; it is a natural, innate ability. However, as we grow and develop, we learn different, adapted ways of listening, which require effort.
We learn to listen in order to respond – we are waiting for the other person to finish talking so we can speak.
We learn to listen merely in order to validate what the other person is saying.
We learn to listen in order to negate what the other person is saying – to make them wrong, so that we can be right.

What can happen when you just listen…? Listen with no judgement, no effort, and without trying to offer solutions. Even if the other person is in a negative place – what happens if you just be with them, and hold the space, with compassion and empathy…?

Put your phones down, people, and just be present with each other… talk to each other… and, more importantly, listen… it’s the biggest gift you can offer.

For any couples who feel they would like to spend some time together to reconnect, you may like to know that I offer a very special course… Because it’s only for one couple at a time, it’s tailored for the individuals concerned, and whatever you want to get out of the day. (You may also like to know that there is absolutely no mobile signal in our training and consultation offices at ‘Planet Wykeham’!)

Self-Awareness and Relationships is an experiential workshop-style day, with some bits of NLP – understanding how we think, and how we each do that differently from one another; there are also some bits from other psychotherapeutic modalities too, because the day is all about having fun as well as learning about yourselves and each other within your relationship. It’s designed to be very much a future-oriented day, rather than looking back at whatever has happened in the past – it’s all about developing connection and understanding, and creating your future together.

If you’d like to know more, just give me a call and we can have a chat to see if this is something you’d like to do together.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.